I WISH I WAS NORMAL (2)

“I wish I was normal. I wish I was normal. I wish I was normal. I wish I was normal. I wish I was normal…………………………….”

How many times have I wished for this? I’ve wished and said it so many countless of times that I truly don’t know how many times I’ve said this. This wish began at a very young age, all because I wanted to be, to look, like someone else. And also, I guess in my own little mind I sensed that I wasn’t llke other kids. I noticed that wherever I go people will look at me and start asking my mum, “is she sick?” and then my mum will explain to them about my condition and they’d be like “oh! take this (or take that), it will be good for her.” and “so sad. so pity.” (in chinese). Did I like it? Of course not. I mean, that was one of the reasons why I started wishing I was normal. The little young me didn’t like this kind of attention. As I grew up, this wish of mine grew stronger and stronger inside me. I had more reasons why I wanted to be normal. There’s a list of some of the reasons why I wanted to be normal here.

One day in primary school I was given this questionaire and one of the questions was, “if you had three wishes. what would it be?” Guess what one of my answer was? Yes, it was “I wish I was normal”. I remember telling my mum “I wish I was normal”, I would also tell myself and God that “I wish I was normal”. I’d say it in the bathroom, I’d say it in the toilet, I’d say it in bed, I’d say it when I’m crying, I’d say it in bad days and sometimes even in good days and there was once I even (indirectly) said it to my friend. I would also imagine in my mind, how it would be like to be completely free from my illness and be a totally healthy and normal teenage girl. On the other hand, I would also ask God, “why? why me? what is the reason? why were they born healthy, but not me? why choose me? why not someone else who’s stronger and much more capable to handle all this thing that I’m going through?” It was a neverending wish that kept going and going and going and going until one year, things started to changed.

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