I mention before in my 1992 (cont) post that my illness affects my eyes, ears, liver, heart, bones, growth and learning pace. Today, let’s talk eyes…




Hmm, not sure if you can tell by the image above, but I have a thing called, “lazy eye” on my right eye. This means when both of my eyes are open and when I look straight or even look left or right, my right eye won’t move. It will constantly just stay put on the left corner of my right eye. I hope you follow what I’m saying here. The only time it will move to the centre is, if I close my left eye and open my right eye. So, this is what it means to have a lazy eye. I think lazy eye is pretty common and there shouldn’t be a problem right? I had a few incidents though with a student in high school, she’d say, “Hi Nikki… (pause and looks at me). I’m here, look at me (waves her hand).” I don’t know if she was for real or just purposely doing it to embarrass me? I’m not sure, but yeah anyway, that was the only time I had an issue with my lazy eye. And I thank God that, that few incidents did not effect me or effect the way I see and feel about my lazy right eye. I mean, I know I have one eye that’s weird all the time, especially in pictures you can see it and it’s so obvious you know, but I don’t know, I’ve never really felt sad or depressed about it. I’ve never really complain or whine about it and be like, “Oh why God? Why?? Why the weird eye? I want a non-lazy one like my left eye.” I guess that is the one thing that I’ve always accepted as a part of me. And now that I think of it, this is a pretty good thing (applause)!

More on my eyes… because of the condition of my eyes, I have had some misunderstandings and embarrassing moments. One, I have night blindness. Two, I’m not blind during the day, but my vision isn’t good during the day eitheir. And even if it’s day time, but I’m in a room or a building that’s pretty dark, dim or shady, my vision will be pretty bad too. There’s times where I can’t tell who someone is, there’s times when someone walks past me and I don’t know if she was the girl I met the other day or if she was my good friend’s father. There’s times where I don’t or hesitate to say someone’s name, because I was afraid that I would get their names wrong. And the person’s probably thinking, “err… okay…” or “she’s so unfriendly…” or “fine, don’t say hi”, times like this I wish I had 20/20 vision. Maybe I should wear a t-shirt that explains my bad vision, this way no one will misunderstand me ever again. What do you think? You see, the thing is, sometimes I do tell people that I can’t see, but sometimes I don’t. Why? Embarrass. Explanation’s too long. Shy. Scared. Worried. Afraid. Don’t want to start talking about my health condition (especially to people I meet for the first time). And because of all these darn barriers, others will think I’m rude, unfriendly, proud or something else. Of course, I wish I was braver, bolder, more confident and better at opening my mouth to explain myself, but yeah, for now while I’m still working on opening my dang mouth, I’ll just keep letting people misunderstand me…

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