For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

So, everyone has questions right? Everyone worry and wonder what their future holds. And it doesn’t matter who you are or how old you are, you will have lots of questions regarding your future. And if you’re like me you will find that the fear of the unknown (or fear of the future) is real. For me, it is a struggle to ignore this FOTF. Questions like, who am I going to be? What am I going to do? Where will I be or live in the future? Will I get married? Or perhaps living in a one room apartment with 7 cats (Well, not that I like cats or any kind of animal…)? these questions run around my head constantly.

Then, as I look to my illness (Alagille Syndrome) and all the “goodness” that it brings (e.g., my not-so-good peripheral vision), which screams out my fears of the future even more. More questions start to pour into my already anxious mind. Who’s going to take care of me? Give me rides? Or maybe I should start saving up for a driverless car? Who’s going to want a girl with a zillion problems…..

Not knowing the answers to any of these questions bothers me, a lot. And telling myself I don’t know every single time bothers me, because I want an answer. I wish I could see my future, instead of just seeing a blank wall starring right back at me. No clue. No hint. No idea. And even though this truly frustrates me, I know that this is a call for me to put my trust in God. It scares me each time I ponder about the unknown, but this is when I’m reminded of how lesser I am compared to God, the Creator of heaven and earth (Psalm 146:6). And how lesser I am without His help. And how lost I would be without His guidance. Each time I’m face to face with FOTF I’m reminded that I can’t do life on my own, instead, I need God to live life with me. He’s the one that I need to bounce back on at the end of the day. He’s the one that I need to run to for peace, comfort, joy, assurance, hope and rest. He’s the one who knows it all. He has a plan for me and His plans are for good (Jeremiah 29:11). So, in a way, my feelings of doubt, worry and uncertainty are all for a good cause. They are the ones that keeps me in check, making sure that I am going to God again and again in prayer. It reminds me to keep committing my life to Him, to keep presenting my whole heart to Him. And those who trust in the Lord will soar high on wings like eagles (Isaiah 40:31).


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