This happened this year…
A few years ago, I told myself that I needed a person, a friend, someone that I can turn to, talk to, lean on to, look to, for help, for support, for encouragement, for… basically for anything! I was desperate for God to send me a special someone that I can turn to for help. And guess what? God did it! He sent someone to me and He even put me in a group of people! So, if I ever needed help, I had a whole group of people, and I could choose who I wanted to talk to. But because I was having some serious issues that year, it took me a little more than half a year (August) to finally make use of the new group of people that God had put me in. And by make use, I mean talk to somebody about my problems. Now, the reason why it took me so long was because, I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t express her feelings. Well, if you ask me, I would prefer not to do it. Just the thought of it (expressing my feelings) makes my whole body feel uneasy. And you may be probably thinking, “but this website doesn’t look like it. look at the things you’re posting Nikki.” And yes, you are correct. For me to finally do this – having a website filled with my whole life story that includes expressing my feelings, is scary I tell you. I mean, until now I’m feeling super uneasy and thinking, “maybe I shouldn’t have done this?” and “omg, what am I doing?!” (you can read more on this here) This is a miracle and please, you can read more about this here . So, yeah that’s the reason why it took me so long. And I still remember very clearly, the day when I finally told my friend that I needed to talk to her. On one hand, I was so desperate to talk to someone. I also knew in my heart that i needed to talk to someone, “if you don’t talk to someone, you’re going to go crazy Nikki”, I told myself that day. And on the other hand, I was like, “no! no way I’m going to talk to someone. I don’t know how to do it. I’m not used to it. I don’t do this kind of stuff. no, no, no.” To cut the story short, after talking to my friend that day, I began to continue to share more about my days and weeks to her and others too. Just like that, it was like something was broken inside of me and once it was broken, I felt comfortable to express myself. From August onwards, I was all set. After opening up to that friend of mine, I told myself, “yes! finally I have that good Christian friend that I wanted. Now, whatever problem you have, you can go to her. Finally, I won’t need to worry. I have her as my friend now. All is good!” I was getting used to this, I was relaxing and I was so grateful to God for giving me what I desperately wanted.
“She’s going to be leaving our group???” I was shocked. I just found out that my friend was going to leave our group. I was confused. I was lost. And I was unsure of what to do or think. “Who am is going to help me now? When I have problems, who am I going to turn to for support and advise. I need someone to lean on.” On and on, I kept telling myself that I really needed her and if she went off, who do I look to. I was telling God that I was so confused, first, He answered me and blessed me with a group of people and especially this girl (that was now leaving our group). And now, He’s taking her away from me??? What is going on? I was sooooo sad, and this sadness continued on for many months.
The next year came along and Nikki was still very, very sad. And in my sadness, God (again) sent another person to be that good Christian friend (that I desperately wanted). When the other friend (let’s say her name is Melanie -not her real name) of mine left, I grew closer with this other girl (let’s say her name is Esther – not her real name). Once again, I was all set. “Okay, I’m still super sad about my other friend, but at least now I have a new friend that I turn to for help. Yes!” I, Nikki Lee, was super happy! Now, I wasn’t alone anymore, because I have this other wonderful friend that can fully support me and so on. I guess you can say that I was a very needy person?
Annnnnnnnd, guess what readers?