PHOBIA OF YOU

Posted on February 26, 2016

Believe it or not, but I have a…

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Okay, not anymore, but this was true when I was a teen. It was a real thing when I was in primary and secondary school. I was friendless for many years and in those years, feelings of not worth developed. And so, in my mind I believed that I wasn’t worth and wasn’t good enough to be somebody’s friend. Whenever a new school year comes along, I’d be so afraid of saying “hi” to anyone.

“Better don’t do it, Nikki.” “Nikki, you aren’t cool enough/pretty enough.” “They are so much better than you.” “Just forget it.” “They wouldn’t like you anyway.” thoughts like these kept on playing around in my head.

One day, I was sitting down by myself (again), I saw this asian girl with her hair tied back and she was eating. I really don’t know why, but all of a sudden I said something, I forgot what I said, but I remembered that it was to do with her lunch. And I got to say that a little part of me wished that a question about her lunch will magically turn into a great friendship! But, yeah, no it doesn’t work that way and I was sad. “Well, it’s not meant to be, just like always.” But, you know what? Someone knew who that asian girl was, someone knew that in the next year, I will meet this girl again. He knew that I was going to be her friend and that she was going to be my friend. Oh, He knew it and it was Him who planned this whole thing. It was God!

The asian girl and I met again the next year and we have been great friends for 7 years now (and still counting). Wow, I got to say, there’s still moments where I’m like, “God, is this real?!” God is so much more than good! He gave me what I wanted for years. All those nights of tears and teary pleas of, “I just want one friend.” has passed…

May the awesome God of hope bless you! ❤

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